Getting past the uniform

Another article I posted on crossdresserheaven.com...

As a guy, I'm lucky to have one of those jobs where I don't have to wear a uniform.  We have a loose dress code,which means casual clothes are fine most of the time.

Yet, each workday, I get up, walk into my closet, and stare at lots of guy clothes that I just dread wearing to work most days.  Instead, my mind wanders over to my collection of dresses, feminine jeans, cute tops, and the neatly stacked boxes of heels, flats, wedges, and a small collection of purses.

I reluctantly get dressed for work, only to find myself always carrying an extra pair of shoes, often flats, complimenting the rest of my guy outfit, for some unexpected chance to wear them.  Often, this pair of shoes is the excuse I need to stop my car, swap out my guys shoes for them, and wander around shopping for an hour or two in some store or another.  A quick stop at one store results in stops at several stores.  Eventually, I get to work and walk sadly into my office wearing my guy shoes, wishing I could have just kept my feminine shoes on for the rest of the day.

For months, this daily ritual was the same.  My mind would begin to tire at the confusion and battle of wills.

Then one day, a realization.  My work does have a uniform in that men are expected to dress a specific, professional way. This has brought some comfort and finally resolved the daily mind battle.

My female coworkers have no idea how much I admire their cute blouses and coordinated skirts, skinny jeans paired with conforming heels, colorful tops matched to flats, and fashionable purses accenting jewelry.  They might complain about how hard it is to get ready for work each day, but they at least have so many exciting choices of what to wear without needing to calculate the risk the way I do.  They do have other challenges at work with equality that I'm so glad I don't have to deal with.

To fit in, to keep the stress a little lower, to fund my CD wardrobe, I wear the uniform while fantasizing that I'm wearing something more feminine.  For some unknown reason, maybe a future hope, my thrift shopping usually focuses on putting together outfits that define the real me.  Even if I could or had the confidence to dress feminine every day, I think I would end up facing new closet challenges.

(1) Finding enough decent fitting styles that are also appropriate for work would take some time.  I've realized that longer tops look better on my body shape.  Revealing tops with low cut fronts or no sleeves probably need a sweater or scarf over to fit in with other women at work, who always seem to wear layers at the office.  Jeans and pants are safe, skirt and dress hemlines need some extra thought.

(2) Shoes.  Stilettos are attractive, fun, sexy, and all the wonderful adjectives.  They're okay for a day or two in the office, but definitely not practical.  Flats are extremely practical, can be cheap, and come in countless shades and cuts, making them versatile for many outfits from pants to skirts to dresses, and even shorts.  Wedges are a nice balance between the beauty of stilletos, and the comfort and stability of flats.  A pair of sneakers with pink or purple hightlighting would be good for luchtime walks, or just to give those calves and feet a break.

(3) Winter wear.  I recently bought my first women's jacket after realizing one cold winter day that I needed one.  Hoodies are great for that really casual, or didn't spend any time getting ready look.  I would prefer cute sweaters, lace or crochet, thinner ones that could be layered with tank tops under and jackets on top.

(4) Purses.  I love the look and feel of purses, from hand bags to crossbody purses.  The only issue, I really don't like leaving my wallet, keys, and phone just sitting at my desk - maybe that's because I'm used to carrying everything I need in my pants pockets.  I noticed one days that many of the ladies at work carry a purse, a lunch bag, a briefcase, and some carry a gym bag.  Four bags, I'm guessing 40 lbs in all, slung over both arms.  I have seen some really nice totes and large purses that can be both a purse and carry most briefcase items.  The other challenge with purses is being able to easily switch between them - that's where investing in a nice wallet is worth the convenience.

(5) Accessories.  Yes, finding jewelry from necklaces and bracelets to go with all those outfits for work.  Fashionable women at work seem to never wear the same accessories more than a few times a year.  I don't know how they keep track of all that jewelry, I have a hard time keeping a few bracelets and chains organized.  I'm not much into Fitbit, so I tend to wear a watch, which I realized lately that I needed a nice feminine one.

Ideally, I just want some social flexibility to pamper myself in women's outfits some days and blend feminine looks into my guys outfits most days.  It would be so mentally productive to get rid of this distracted feeling of wanting to wear what I feel like isn't welcomed in the workplace.  In the meantime, I "dress" outside of work and wear the "uniform" to work.

Just a guy wearing women’s fashions

An article I had posted on crossdresserheaven.com

"Why do women get all the fun fashions and what’s wrong if a guy like me wears them”, I often wonder.

Searching the internet, I’ve found lots of websites targeted towards CD or TS individuals.  There seem to be only a few references to guys, like me, who simply like wearing women’s fashions, but have no desire to pass as a woman.  This feeling has no explanation, no matter how much I think about it or try to research it.

Photo credit: eileen_cd via
Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Simply, I love the way women’s fashions look, and I have this deep, inherent desire to wear those fashions, from heels and flats, to mesh tops and lace tops, to cute party dresses and formal dresses, to exquisite lingerie.  I have no interest in makeup or wigs, I really like my guy face and how it challenges people’s thoughts when they see me dressed up in women’s clothing.

It took me a long time to admit that I was actually a crossdresser.  I often thought of myself as just a guy who likes to “try on women’s clothes”.  At first, the term crossdresser seemed to me as reserved for someone who really wanted to look like a woman.

With no interest in transitioning, my daily struggle is how to be true to myself while trying to make sure most of my world doesn’t know that I’m a crossdresser.

Advice, comments, questions, email are all welcome.  I’m just hoping to hear if any of have had similar experiences and struggles, or know someone like me, “Just a guy wearing women’s fashions.”

I'm in Crossdresser Heaven

 
Where's Lea?  No posts for several weeks.

Nothing to worry, I recently admitted that I need a support group and joined Crossdresser Heaven.  My first article on there has led to many wonderful discussions and insight in this journey.  I'll continue to post on here, just been busy reading and replying to articles.

Uncomfortable layers

Layers are a great for adding color variety, changing shape, improving bust and cleavage outlines.  As the weather warms up, one additional layer can make it feel uncomfortable warm.

In Spring, for my guy wardrobe, I switch from wearing undershirts to just wearing t-shirts and polos.  Underdressing today with a bra under a t-shirt, it definitely felt much warmer than just wearing a t-shirt.  A thin cami can have the same uncomfortable effect.  This might explain why the majority of women I know seem to run "hot" compared to me, they have to wear at least 1 more layer (a bra) or 2 more layers (a bra + a cami) than what I wear in guy mode.

A solution, wear thin tops (definitely not guy t-shirts), sheer tops, or lace tops when wearing a bra or cami.  Seems like reverse logic - women choose to wear a bra or cami under a thin top, while us crossdresses look for a top to go over a bra or cami.

Random fashion tips

Photo credit: TGlamorpuss Photo
via Foter.com / CC BY-ND

Trial and error, and lots of wasted purchases (luckily most were cheap at thrift stores), buying women's clothes and shoes has taught me a lot about fashion....

Bra band size, cup size, and fit

(enhance some, avoid too busty)

Hi-cut briefs better than thongs
(keeps the jewels in place)

Dark tights
(smoothens legs, hides hair)

Camis
(easy shapewear, hides chubby areas, hides cleavage)

Sleeves or thick straps
(high neck line, hides chest hair)

Left shoe is always tighter
(not tried on as much by customers)

Regular jeans length is good for flats
(or Long jeans for heels and boots)

Guy skinny jeans are more practical than purses
(where did I leave my purse)

Makeup
(takes a long time to put on, and a long time to take off)

Womens dept
(Juniors clothes are cute, but way to tight in various areas)

Sizes 
(try them all, no two sizes are ever the same) 

Layers 
(even in summer, use to fix shape issues or to fix low-cut tops)

Long sleeves 
(for casual, cover up with sweaters, thin tops)

Necklaces
(great for making tops less revealing)

You Go Cait!

Finally watched About Bruce, the two episodes on Keeping Up with the Kardashians about how the family deals with Bruce Jenner's coming out and transition plans.  The show could be a great conversation starter with loved ones about a very difficult topic.  It was enlightening to have an insight into how a man like Bruce Jenner, Olympic athlete, sports hero, struggled with being transgender, how his kids struggled with a hidden side of their dad, and how his ex-wife still loved him even though they split up.

There were a lot of themes that I was fascinated with how well they portrayed them:

• Sneaking around at 4 AM in women's clothes
• Thinking no one knows, when some know and just don't mention it
• Family feeling hurt by lying to before, during, and after coming out
• Needing to lie about how far and how much more
• Wife feeling like she doesn't know her husband
• Wife feeling like now she has to grow old alone
• Kim's (daughter) fashion advice for Bruce
• Chloe (daughter) was upset with the lying
• Stealing wive's clothes and the need to give back (buy your own)
• Stealing wive's makeup
• Stealing daugther's (awkward)
• Messy feminine side of the closet
• Found out by kids, never talked about
• Meeting "her", two lives

Can't wait to continue the story with the new Hulu show, Cait.  You go girl!

Hint hint

Every month, I have a cycle....no, not that ultra feminine one of discomfort.  Most weeks, I crossdress several times a week, sometimes just at home, sometimes out running errands.  One week each month, I have this intense, unexplainable desire to show that "once again, our favorite crossdress ventures out into the world".  This desire to make sure the world knows my secret, or at least a few people whom I don't really know, but I'm sure recognize me from shopping in their stores.

photo credit: Arinka, summer mood
via photopin(license)

Every month, during that same week, I mentally try to reason that there is nothing "wrong" with what I do, I want to be accepted, I deserve to be accepted, I want my spouse to know more about my dressing, I want my friends and family to know the real me.  At home, I drop hints, leaving a pair of flats out in a noticeable place, delicates hanging to dry, a special drawer left open, jewelry sitting on the dresser.  If anyone at home sees these hints, nobody says anything.

Every month, I find that week a test of restraint.  I can confidently crossdress and go out when I'm on my own, avoiding places where I might run into friends or family.  With family and friends, I wish I could talk to them about the real me to avoid them feeling like my crossdressing is being forced onto them.  Then that week ends, and I'm back to enjoying the status quo of being a closeted crossdresser.