Happy holidays (hopefully)

The season of stress has begun!  Stress to get places, stress to get gifts, stress to make everyone else's holiday happy.  All while watching women swap out their summer clothes for infinity scarves, sweater dresses, lined leggings, tall boots.  If only I could swap out my boring guy clothes for a feminine, refreshing winter look, along with lots of fun accessories.  Maybe dressing how I feel would eliminate one stress point.

The season of sales is here!  Normal guys all over are walking into women's stores, browsing the women's depts, purchasing feminine items for those special women in their lives.  For us, that means more cute fashions to try on, more help from unassuming SAs, more approval glances from wives and mothers who think we're shopping for them, more items in our sizes, more gifts to ourselves.

The season of red is livening up the cold.  My favorite cashier decked the halls in a dark red sweater, dark blue jeans, dark red fur boots, crimson lipstick, all while jingling her new curly long hair look.  I doubt she realizes how inspiring her simple fashion looks are.  Her store has a good variety of red clothing and shoes to keep the holidays happy (hopefully).

photo credit: IMG_7341crsh signed via photopin (license)

Dressing down

Stealth mode is a tactic many of us part-time dressers use to balance social norms with our desires to push the fashion gender lines.

There's a term, underdressing, which refers to dressing in bras/panties/pantyhose/camis under our normal guy clothes.  I was surprised that some guys are able to underdress every day to work, wearing guy suits over soft, feminine items.  It takes a lot of attention to detail to ensure that there are no visible panty lines, bra/cami strap bulges, or peeking pantyhose that would give away our true identities.

Subtle dressing is a term I use for blending in women's fashions into a "guy look".  Socks are an easy, yet invisible start.  Black flats or black wedges with black nylon socks are almost invisible since most people pay very little attention to the shoes a guy is wearing.  V-neck tees and higher scoop tops could look like something out of a guy's closet.  A sweater dress can be converted to look like a long sweater.   Skinny jeans are finally "in" for both genders.  Bangles and bracelets can be worn with long sleeves for quick concealment.  Crossbody purses could look like satchels.  The key is acting confident, looking friendly, and walking with determination to avoid too much notice.

Dressing down is a new term I've come up with to mean shedding feminine attire just before arriving at work, home, or somewhere others just don't understand you yet.  Changing into pair of heels in the car can easily add some fun to a boring commute.  Leaving home dressed as a guy on the outside makes it easy to shed a few layers into a cute, womanly outfit while running errands in a neighboring town.  There is a sad, sometimes frustrating feeling, when it is time to get back into guy uniform.  Yet, that's one way of maintaining a balance.

photo credit: My Underwear on display. via photopin (license)

Labels

Male or female.  Straight or gay.  Crossdresser, transvestite, or transgender

Several times a year, I find myself searching the internet, looking to see if anyone else has found an answer to the same way I feel.  I am male, I am straight, I like women, I crossdress, then the rest gets blurry.

Transgender has been in the news a lot lately, seems like most of 2015.  But most of the stories are about full transitions (notably Caitlyn Jenner).  The only transgender people I know personally are both M2F post-transition (neither of them know my secret).  Some websites define the T in LGBT as an umbrella term that covers crossdressers.

Sometimes it feels that knowing the label I fit into would make all of this so much easier to understand, or maybe easier to not feel so alone, so confused, so stalemate.  Other times, the only labels that matter are the ones on consignment dresses or purses.

For years, I rejected labeling myself a crossdresser or a transvestite.  I thought that all I was doing was dressing in women's things.  A couple of years ago, I finally accepted that I'm a crossdresser.
 

Credit: itspronouncedmetrosexual.com

Superwoman

Each episode of MasterChef she's on, Christina Tosi stands tall in stilettos as one of those attractive women where a very guy part of me thinks WOW, and a very different part of me thinks OMG, where did she get that outfit!!  She's definitely fit, probably works out often, eats healthily (though she's a baking chef), has long legs, noticeably slender arms, and amazing hair.  There's no way I could ever look like her, yet her visual appeal intrigues me.

She's not the image most people have of a chef, trendy dresses instead of an apron, heels in the kitchen instead of sneakers, confident, poised, powerful.  Her dresses are always the same length, the same length mine look on me :)

Women often dress for 1. themselves, 2. other women, 3. guys.  As a crossdresser, I enjoy that same exhilaration women get when their outfit finally comes together.  Subtly crossdressed in public, I know how satisfying and reinforcing it is to get a smile or compliment from another woman who notices some part of my outfit (and that I'm a guy wearing it).  If a guy happens to notice (rarely) some crossdressing aspect of me, I often feel either confidently independent or anticipatingly defensive.

One day, I hope I can feel like a superwoman!

photo credit: Google Images :)

Dress size challenge

It's okay, we all think we can fit into a smaller, sleeker dress size, a perfect dress that could take an inverted triangle shape and make it into the coveted hourglass shape. 

Juniors' dresses (odd size numbers) are often trendy, cheap in price, really tight to squeeze into and almost impossible to get out of.  Several times, I have been able to (stupidly) squeeze into a dress that felt like I would have needed to embarrassingly ask an SA to help me out of.  The problem is that the dresses are cut for smaller body ratios.

Women's dresses (even size numbers) take a lot of trying on of different sizes, lengths, styles, fabrics, color combinations to find that flattering fit.  Letter sizes (S/M/L/XL) seem to be more forgiving than numbered sizes.  Stretchy dresses can give a nice fitted feel as they cling to your body.

Wearing the right bra, both in size and style, can have a bold impact on how the perfect dress looks in a dressing room selfie.

photo credit: sale via photopin (license)

Finding a comfortable bra size

Ever look at Victoria's Secret online and wonder why their bras sell for $60+.  Ever try on a cheap bra.  The look, comfort, and how long they last are the difference.

My bra size is quite common, so I easily find gently used bras at my favorite thrift stores, thankfully donated by women whose bra sizes changed for a variety of reasons.  Maidenform seems to make some nice styles and are quite comfortable.  I recently scored several VS bras in almost new condition for less than $4 each!!

To find that full fit, try different band size and cup size combinations or get "fitted" at a dept store if you're not too shy (I'm too shy).  One trick is that you can go up one cup size, while going down one band size.

The feeling of wearing a nicely fitting VS bra - like having breasts floating through the air :)

photo credit: White 3 via photopin (license)

Walking in the perfect shoe size

All those cute shoes in ads, store windows, and even online, don't usually come in the sizes us guys really need.  I used to think I could squeeze into size 10 shoes, then finally admitted that I'm a 11+.  I find that my heels and wedges size is actually one smaller than my flats size.  Wide width lets me wear a size smaller, or just gives me that extra comfort compared to normal width.

It took a major step of confidence to be a guy trying on stilettos in a shoe store only to realize that most SAs and other customers don't seem to notice.  I have actually had numerous positive experiences with shoe SAs giving me amazing tips, being non-judging, and spending a lot of time to help me find that right style or fit.  Having a good attitude and being friendly has led to some interesting conversations with SAs and other customers about more than just shoes.  One SA refers to me as "her favorite customer" :)

After trying a lot of different brands and styles to get this far, I think I've figured out my perfect shoe sizes - and that I love shoe shopping!

photo credit: girl shoes via photopin (license)

Purses vs Pockets

I've always admired some of the designer purses my wife has and the way she fills them up with literally her whole life.  Makes for building up her biceps when the purse + things weighs 30 lbs.

In "full guy mode", I carry half my life in the pockets of my guy pants.  The same items are always in the same bulging pockets, making them easy to find.

Men's pants always have deep pockets, women's pants have shallow or no pockets - hence the need for a purse.  When I do wear women's pants, one annoyance is the need to carry a purse, or else tightly grip a clutch wallet and keys, while staying paranoid enough not to lose them.

In "girl mode", the solution, carry a purse for the extra feminine attention and space.  A water bottle comes in handy to fill up a purse or give it more weight for that true "carrying your whole life" look.  I have seen other women's eyes noticing my purse (and my shoes).

You can also feel vulnerable when carrying a purse, either to purse snatching or drawing too much attention.  To avoid this, I sometimes wear feminine looking guy pants, like skinny jeans with deep pockets, but keep everything else feminine.

Thrift stores can have some amazing purses, some with designer labels too, just a few years old and often barely used (women buy lots of stuff they barely end up using before finally donating it away).

A crossbody or shoulder purse keeps your hands free for browsing while shopping - they can also be quite subtle, and might pass for "messenger" bags or other "guy acceptable" bags.

For the ultimate feminine feel, carry a handbag coordinated to your outfit and shoes, and add in a confident walk!